Kelly from Aqua Books went to New York City and all I got was this Lousy Webpage

A few pictures from my Christmas 2007 trip to the City of Bagels.

New York City is very festive at Christmas.

From the very classy

To the kind of trashy

To the just plain weird

They welcomed us warmly at the Canadian Embassy, which consists of a skating rink, a restaurant called Celsius: A Canadian Lounge (which serves poutine, Nips, and Gimli Goose), and, of course, a Commissionaire.

Despite their reputation, New Yorkers are very friendly and community minded. I met a (clumsy) baker named Stumpy who showed us around one night.

Even the squirrels are friendly. Notice my Strand bag. The Strand is a New York icon that boasts 18 miles of books. That being said, they have like ten copies of everything, so it's really only 1.8 miles of books. The new Aqua Books on Garry will have a kilometre of books.

I also met some nice folks who
offered to help me "clear my head".

New York is truly an international city. Many people come to NYC to start small businesses. Many of them smoke CIGRARTTEs, which are even worse for you than, oh never mind...

The UN is also based in NYC. The UN is international territory, and as long as they can escape assassination by the CIA on their way there, any foreign leader formally banned from the country can enter the U.S. to go to the UN.

I met with top leaders while there and they assure me they're doing their best. While they haven't been able to do anything about disarmament or poverty, they told me that they were responsible for finally getting Tony Danza off the air.

I also visited shrines to various famous New Yorkers.

Like Gertrude Stein.

Bill Shakespeare.

Walter Scott.

And Hans Christian Andersen, who invented Golden Geese.

I sought out Americans in their natural habitat.

So the only star I see in NYC is one who's been in Winnipeg too. After he was here, PSH said that Winnipeg was like Buffalo, but with more Communists.

None of my celeb pictures really turned out. I think this one is Vince Vaughn.

I held rallies and spread the gospel of Winnipeg wherever I went.

NYC has a West Broadway too. Good apartments are at a premium because of all the people who come from the Midwest seeking New York's special flavour of the American Dream.

Here are two people living the American Dream. We met these two TP historians at the World Toilet Paper Museum in Times Square.

Speaking of birdsht, even the Concrete Chickens are messy.

And speaking of bullsht, look who's World HQ is, appropriately enough, located on the ass end of Times Square. There's just no getting away from some people.

FIN

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